Epiphany [ part I ]

 
Epiphany [ part I ]
[ painful truths ]

Exaggerated treble pulsed forth from lying larynx
a witless volume of chat on soccer-ball
tactics, women and vile chemical beer links
security in familiarity for peers who maul

my kind mercilessly our temerity
born of minority status,
a liberty exceeded in their eyes, severity
alone might create overdue hiatus

of rainbow pride, duly my cowardly shy
from being outed slowly rots a confused mind
propagating lies automatically sly
covering for a reality where Graecised


Romano buggery is a passion
hidden from their narrow minded view
blinding them all to truth of any fashion
supported through supplying blue

movies, Dutch strength just of girls
duped as readily as all the dumb boys
believing not cute twink blue eyes nor sweet brown curls
with sodomy alloys

rather a fortuitous blessing in good looks
leading to many a poor unsuspecting
lasses tights adorning bedposts where once flux
of satisfaction left me flaccid, erecting

banners of climax impossible, leading
shamefully to threats issued
fast from bitter spitting lips of bleeding
beaten child, should she tempt to be duelled


agonisingly in idle tattle with pals over the veracity of my proud
promiscuity, proffering proof
perhaps, at a first hand level of some deceitful shroud
wrapping a queer in apparel of spoof

hiding such earth shattering secrets she could reveal
& so to hold her tongue, upon her shoulder
needfully grasping, at eye level a glaze of steel
that I in humbling tones, correlate with hiding behind a bolder

Mahdis spitting rounds in some hot dusty land
a child killing hellhole left me half a man
Crying openly she at my equivocated bold last stand
as a hero in the 'stan,


Alas my glorious Naval carer ended
before fake wars had even begun
but ashamed bluff began being blended
back I think, in Ninety One

when my dad went out to Saudi
boasting tough to classmates of his soldiering
as perhaps his skills were dowdy
essential to the tin can plant though his soldering

doubtless was, less honour yielded
honest graft of peace time worker
not near amount of respect fielded
for Britain’s khaki heroes circa

McNabs launch of tall tales from bleak Mesopotamia
attacking columns of lame Republican Guards
bayonets fixed but lost in the snow as a disorientated skier
if he got glory through pieced truthful shards

discarding dishonestly bits where he screwed
everything up royally
concentrating on enhancing heroics brewed
against colleagues and friends disloyally

without a hint of remorse
contrived reasons to answer the self loathing
visiting during lonely, toss filled nights alone force
both of us I'll wager to beg atonement sing

sending shrieking perils of fibs to visit
checking lives blighted through cowardly
distortions of events asking " is it?"
Really? Did you? Honestly?

I think not sir, there is nothing in you but contrivance
unmasked now, leave this cruel stage please
next contender to live a life in trance
step up to be publicly destroyed in a squeeze

clench of persona
throttled limp & devoid of exaggeration
clinging only to absolute truths far
stripped of empty brags of self elation

camouflage of our mutual inadequacies
Mitchell and I grovelling that fair fate
might see well to drowning us in seas
which our torrential rain of lies did irrigate

sucked under, submerged  into peaceful sincerity
however, firmly affixed to my tower of fraud
sentinel of a bay carved from improbity
amassed treasures gained by deception I still horde

away living as an inspirational story book
not exposed by any gallant sole
least of all this info. saturated whore who took
me, us, lots of us really, at face value whole

heartedly ready to accept our horrors
believing herself touched by our generations ' Nam
loving her own empathy, wondering does
sympathy for one mean she offsets harm

thousands of miles away paid for by her taxes
blocking guilt trips from departing
halted in cerebral jam, comprehension lapses
engulfed as we all are, we defer starting

questions about mates or lovers integrity
claiming an assumption of candid default
ignoring subconscious shrugs of apathy
for exposé means exposures sludgy salt


preserving racks of similar self aggrandising
tales might rot instead
doubting matters not, reality at her own veneer prising
scared she nods her less than innocent head

apologies once again I issue
at threatening her only child
immitigable weeping repeated now at how flew
an enemy rocket starting surging blazes wild

Billowing thick smoke poured
liberally above small scared faces at blackening windows
orphans in pyjamas to doorways lured
by fresh air but felled in dozens as a Talib mows

them down, silenced only in deafening stammer
after my working parts remain recoiled
smoke creeping around benign hammer
struck cases that dealt death I imagine poor souls embroiled

collect to try to sell back to infidel invaders
a ridiculous notion derided by true hero's
promulgated by my own real experiences as instructors made us
pick up our expensive brass as a range officer stows

Figure Elevens away till next time, peacefully
no mortars or death in the air above wet ecru sand
Tamar lapping, all that sully
boots I tell her were ruined with blood spilt by my hand.


Once again caressing tensed shoulders
soothing authority hoaxes recreate
that trust so sought after by vulnerable rovers
in those they unwisely end up inveterate

hoping all will not come unstuck
dreaming of future bliss
Not with me, though! rather I in some rugged truck
drivers arms enfolded in impassioned kiss

rumbling my loins to life
thoughts of her timid coercion
big round eyes could be mine as I play the wife
to my fantasy's oral insertion

Inked indelibly bulking bicep
tensed a dragon of bright blood red
winks at the once again adoring duped tart who took a step
witless inviting me into her cute, pink bed

still naked both we shall soon dance horizontal
mutually masturbation enough to achieve
stiffness FINALLY! to tickle tonsil
reaming a subordinate cheek with pelvic heave

countered by grasped brunette bunches
reversed role in my minds erotic drive
of me spluttering on hard meat she luckily munches
being the bitch from whence oppression does arrive

choking on phallic indifference
jaw yoked twixt thumb and fore finger
saliva looped from slimy chin, sense
of love long abandoned cum in her

mouth to capture an essence
of sordid yielding
humiliation of rhetoric lessons
resulting in kneeling

before a real man as I was
treating her with my own craved desires
enacting personal fetish because
I'd squirrel away for later memories of moans as semen fires

arching translucent gloop
closed experienced eyes know too well
of stinging pools in corners tough to scoop
or wipe away remains shut fast to quell

no doubt learned pain
my groaning satisfaction curtails
staring at her jism covered boat wishing I maintain
it were mine from a shower of handsome males

giggling she says there you go, your really are a man
grinning down at her disingenuous encouragements
Clean your self up quick as you can
macho narration my reputation cements

alongside manful yarn per combated
dish-dash wearing heathens
unbridled optimism expected
from a girl so dumb even-Stevens

constitutes mock excuses
for threatening her first & only born
such submission only ever produces
abject disrespect leading to bruises that adorn

a blind eye, seeing aye, but dead to reacting
allowing herself to be bullied
'till love to her means a petrified acting
a Schadenfreude of hoping the same happens to her seed

Proving that all men are truly bastards
not that successive generations made terrible
choices, lead into a forest of passion, then lost in the woods
of neglected despair, but never were their minds supple

for escape, for suffrage, for life
with their excuses for laziness
piled up at their feet, they may as well become a Gingerbread Wife
endowed with welts, a measure of her husbands stress

How can one delve into ones troubled soul
to treat such a retch as equal?
this neurosis of mine, my bane, my agony without parole
my undeserved epitaph that carves out my life a dull

whisper in history, never to be remembered with any rancour
any bad deed, any lie, any assault
Fifty years from now, when Mandarin is the lingua Franca
no one will call for domestic abuse to halt

Why then should I abate my immorality?
let her decide when she's ready for emancipation
One cannot co joule a person into their endemic mortal malady
more than they deceive themselves they've no need of an education

as boring sluts like this one do, insisting that Opportunity Knocks
drunken, wailing flat in to a friends karaoke mic at some ungodly hour
insisting "making it's my dream" will never stop the clocks
so it's back to the Rotisserie Chickens, my cum swallowing flower

Loops of fading denim hooked by tattooed thumbs
cover up my partially satisfied loins
Tensing a good strong arm, gratuitous ripple of ab’s sums
up my narcissism perfectly, as beauty essoins

me handsomely away from guilt
With nothing but contempt
again for her, wrapped in her comfort quilt
and 3 day old pyjamas mean this unkempt

harlot allows me the convenience
of departing less fake au revoir
then, Downstairs, from her hanbag sliding a fresh Gas Card and some £1.78 pence
into my pocket, as deep and dark and noir

as my  soul should feel
but to my deity
I should write a letter of appeal
as It’s clearly left me Spiritual Core Free.

[Part II is being written]