Perils Of Deceit

Perils Of Deceit.

poison laced is a crust of deceit, so much fear
delicate & perilously close to loosing sanity
revealing a petrified naked smear
upon the canvas of all humanity

who's oxygen I unworthily dare to breathe, contaminating
air for others with evil lies as often as I exhale
mountains of brave fantasy from realty my difficulty differentiating
leaves my life an empty burst vein, with skin pale

pallid whilst decaying
rotting veneer of continued deception
spread once tightly across a drum I was overplaying
evil and as wrong now as from its complex conception

was ill conceived and painful
to those who proffered truth and care
love could not transcend the seeds, my conceded sin uncovered as a skull
inevitable quizzes reveal it a fraction of a graveyard to be laid bear

growling demons of a repressed, latent bisexuality exacerbate
no hero status for I never served
alongside men for whom Telic was more than idle debate
talking to them leaves me sadly demurred

not fit to shine their boots
nor iron their barrack dress
but then, not I of any man whether subject to salutes
even civilian honest criminals have more ethical success ;

Bankrupt and devoid of soul
refusing drink played any part
wrong! so outrageously stubborn, helping hide the truth I stole
return me please god, to the start

years back before all my crying, whining & self deluded
mind was fresh, most friends naive, unspent
my own down fall could have been precluded
had I known then what weight and power mere honesty meant

never would I have toyed with, and played them all for fools
restlessly but in silence they all pushed me away
unsure, never knowing what slivers of hoax forth spews
guessing fact from fiction a bored, tired of my lame display

* * *

More! be warned, more, so much more than just this
deception taints the vine of any networking
forget fruitful careers when gossiped as a false kiss
truths to be uncovered are omnipresence lurking

for partners of the future to uncover, shall I marry based on a core of lies?
consideration for but a moment leaves me sobbing
what fool am I to believe contentment from honesty shies
and when will I know the depth my robbing

friends, family, doctors and officials
of any veracity with regard my life?
probably when real trouble pulls
at exploratory strings of strife

unplugging the stopper of falsehood
praying hard had not prevented
exposure of my life as ruined as my tainted blood
coursing through my contrived persona auto-invented

responsively toward a society miss perceived
by my own stubborn alcoholic belligerence
malice of hungover fool acted well, meaning loved ones believed
my evil, selfish excuses and sad pretence

could only carry on for so long before I was hoisted by my own petard
held down low, amassed shame amid disappointment
kith & kin equally scarred
thusly forever suspicious of any word blessed by my anointment

to the chapel then, last bastion of us mental pricks
good company here shall be found
lest I be tempted to prematurely cross the Styx
with much fantasy abound,

Finally! I am at home here,
with all the others who simply can not handle reality.
Hiding away from sin, vice, fear and beer
pressurised personal problems a banality
under the greatest lie of all, worldwide gigantic spoof
no wonder one like I would find solace
no longer alone through fear of truth

all but dead inside.
chances of escape to regular content
might never be espied
until for endless lies I have paid repent.